Ebb and Flow

   Hello there!

       Wow, can you believe its already May 18th, 2011?  I'm pretty impressed by how the dates click by these days.   Things have been rolling along just fine in my world lately.  Radiation treatments Monday-Friday, oncologist appointments on Wednesdays and also I do most of the other things folks do, but with a great flow of friends and family visiting and taking care of me.

     Not much is necessarily new as far as nitty gritty details.   I only have 6 treatments of radiation left, I can't believe I'll graduate from radiation therapy next Thursday. Then I'll get an MRI 6 weeks after that, they have to wait a while so the swelling in my brain goes down from the radiation.  Then I'll see my neurosurgeon regarding the MRI and what's what. It will be nice to start recovering from radiation and to continue recovering from surgery so that I can have more stamina for the joys of summertime.   Yes!!!!!

     In an earlier post I'd mentioned how there are different and new levels of tiredness.   I have a new classification and its called:  Uncomfortably Exhausted.  My brain is a nice brain, its been really well behaved for 2 surgeries all the way inside it and a WADA test, is full of creative ideas, can operate my limbs to do various tasks and play music. Some confused cells called astrocytes made a scary brain tumor, that's not so awesome, but overall my brain is pretty amazing, as are brains in general I think.

              These days, if said brain is uncomfortably tired and I'm pushing it, it gives me signals that I need to go lay down and shut my eyes.  A signal could be:  a lack of detail in my vision, an odd motion processing (someone gliding even though they are walking), misplaced emotions, or absolutely no attention span.

    I think I have been getting so uncomfortably tired from radiation that it put me on a slippery slope toward some "stinkin' thinkin'".   I also have to confess, that rash that I had, it really sucked for me and those around me. It seems as though there are a lot of people going through some heavy health stuff right now, and we're all around the same age, and it made me sad and feeling powerless.  Everything seemed all at once. I had a pretty decent pity party for myself early last week, nope, you didn't get excluded from the Evite, I do that kind of partying by myself and its over now, so don't worry.

      After my 1st brain surgery/tumor discovery in 2009, I had a hard time with future thinking and planning, but it wasn't a cognitive ability issue, it was a thinking error problem.  I worked pretty hard with a professional to adjust to things, and that helped, but I regressed a bit last week.  I enjoy setting long term goals and achieving them to some measure.  With having the health surprise, thinking about where I want to be in 5 to10 years changes from "a house, a family, teaching and/or dog" to "here??"  breathing?".   It throws me off my normal thinking that I'd had for 30 years, it takes a while to adjust to the unknown and get into the flow, but thankfully I'm back in it for the most part.

     I felt better as I had some great visitors, wonderful correspondence, a fantastic weekend, clear skin, love, friendship, cat purrs, music, going out to a movie, music playing, fun plans set, and lots of other good healing magic, everyday miracles and self-compassion.

        Last summer, I read Sarah Silverman's memoir and of course it was funny, but I also liked her mantra "Make It A Treat" (M.I.A.T.).  Well, you know what yanks a girl like me out of a slump?  I use her M.I.A.T. method and it picks me up in small to large ways that all add up like a big pedestal of happy and adds so much to my outlook and output of energy. Sarah S. was referring to pot or chocolate cake, but for me....

Here are some treats that I appreciate and relish often and/or lately, in no particular order:

• Lemon water
• The Cosby Show
• looking forward to summer fun such as weddings, music, visits, Pickathon, nature, the list goes on...
• playing flute with recorded music of bands I like and just waiting for them to call me to play some fantastic show (this can also be classified as DAYDREAMING and its fun!)
• Letters from my in town pen-pal and real life friend G.E.S.
• Surprise snail mail and thoughtful S necklaces
• Visitors
• Smart jokes and laughing
• Going to the head shop "Up in Smoke",(so subtle isn't it?) for incense with Susie or Leslie and ALWAYS leaving with a giggle inducing story to tell...
• attending social events that I wasn't sure I'd be able to weeks ago!
• Scrabble online
• FRIENDS
• FAMILY
• My wonderful neighbors!
• YOU
 

         Thank you for your support and thoughts, I feel so blessed and you help me rise out of valleys up into the happy blue skies!!  I hope that you are well!

xoxox,

Sara L.

Bonus Round...


Here are some photos and captions from the recent past of my wonderful life.I am struggling a bit learning how to get my "smart" phone to give me all of its photos.

 

Susie blessed me with the Monday night (slumber party) shift and Sam is a tireless Tuesday morning driver and breakfast BFF.
Here's when they did the responsiblity hand-off. I love laughing with these two!! I love my friends 110%!!!

My mom and Erin. Erin is so sweet, she came by with delicious items after a long day of teaching at the middle school we usually inhabit together. It is such a treat to get to spend time with her and I'm so excited about the fact that she and her hubby have bought a house just about a mile away from mine.

This is me pre-rad with Mateo, he was born on 2-13-2011! His parents, Gabe and Koali, they treated me with Thai and their company.
Fantastic!

Here Gary D. and I are in St. John's. This is on a Saturday about 3 weeks ago. I was really impressed and feeling happy that I was able to attend a science teacher workshop at PSU for most of that day. Science teacher friends attended the workshop and were extremely helpful in making it a successful day for me. Gary D. drove me back and forth and was happy for me too, because he knew it would make me feel accomplished. It was a treat to be productive and then to meet up with friends afterward. It felt like real life and I can still live it! I love it!

Leslie took me to get my zip zaps in a ZipCar...I felt this a treat for the alliteration and the opportunity to show you the "reserved for radiation treatment patients" parking spots.

Michael and Desiree made my week last Thursday by bravely driving themselves and their fresh to the world son, Colin Patrick (born March 28th, 2011), to visit with me. I really appreciate them taking a chance and driving all the way here from Yamhill County with their new addition. So brave, huge TREAT. It was a nice long visit and I'm still smiling from remembering it!!!!

That's me and the linear accelerator that I spend time with Monday through Friday at 9:06 AM.

Susie VOTES!

Lilly Lasky, my parents' dog, visits. She's pretty handy for walks.

Scott and Kiyoe have generously given me a key to their house so I can visit Eastwood during the day. I haven't gotten to see him as much as I'd like to, due to my demanding napping schedule, but we've had some great playtimes in his backyard and we took him to Forest Park for a short hike. That's fun and a definite cheer-us-all-up treat.

Saturday was Hanna's 30th party...which means that she hosted her friends to celebrate at the Historic Kenton Firehouse. It was a Tretti Ars, which is a traditional Swedish celebration for the 30th birthday. It was amazing. I napped all day Saturday until 4:30pm so I could go, and it was worth it! Gary and I got all dressed up.  Amazing friends to catch up with, an exuberant and loving friend to celebrate, the food was WOW!, and I will stop now, I don't want to be too much of a braggart. It was amazing and I'm thinking of making up a Swedish festival for the age 34 for my birthday in September.

The beautiful birthday girl Hanna, Gary D., and moi saying our end of the (my) night; out living our lives! I am pretty sure I didn't get to bed until after 10...what a thrill!

Leslie and Jocelyn's band rocked Mississippi Studios Sunday afternoon.  Friday, Leslie went to camp (Ladies Rock Camp) having never played the bass...by Sunday she was making Slash look like an amateur with her performance! I am so proud of her and I was so thrilled to be present! Way to go Leslie!!!!!!!

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